Trusting Jesus in the waiting.

Being 23 years old is a funny thing. You’re in this weird limbo. You’re done with college (most of the time). You may or may not have a full time job. You may still be living with your parents. And maybe one of your friends gets engaged every other hour. Which brings me to the point of this post. What to do when you feel like you are waiting on God.

I don’t really like that term “waiting on God,” as if He’s late or something. I mean He invented time so I’m pretty sure He can’t be late. And yet, I say it. I use it and I believe it. I’ll say well “I’m just waiting to see what God wants me to do.” When really, God is always talking, I wonder if maybe I’m just not listening. I’ve been single my entire life (insert moans and groans about how this will be some angry post about not having a husband – disclaimer: it won’t be), so I’ve often said “God is late on bringing my husband.” As if my husband is in some shiny red box and God has lost his tracking number or something. Oh, my fickle heart. 

Let’s rewind a couple years and see how I got here.

In America, and many first world countries, there is this “I am so independent and I don’t need a man” view among women. I had the exact same thought process a couple years ago. I HATED the idea of “submitting” to a man and following his leadership. Was he inherently more spiritual than me because he was a man? I just hated the whole thought process. I didn’t understand what any of that meant.

I had thought of being “independent” for so long that not only did I think I needed to be independent from a man but independent from Jesus, too. I had been in that frame of mind for so long that I didn’t know how to depend on anyone. I didn’t understand accountability because I thought I could do everything on my own. I didn’t want accountability either.

I figured if I was suffering in my own sin that had to be better than being humiliated and telling my best friends what was really going on. 

I lived in my own little shelter. Of sin. Of loneliness. Of anger. I didn’t want to be wanted. I didn’t even want myself.

In the Spring of 2012, I finally found freedom. I started to reach out to my roommates, my friends, and most of all Jesus for help. I found a deep need for accountability, for grace, and for the saving truth of the gospel. I truly couldn’t have started a better journey.

Fast forward to today, August 22, 2013. I am absolutely enthralled by my King. I mean, I love Jesus and I love the life we live together. As of lately though, I have felt like maybe I was missing out on something. As if everyone was invited to this party but not me. I’m talking about being the only single person in my friend group. I love my friends, I mean I ADORE my friends, but sometimes being this person sucks. Just being honest.

I’ve brought this need to Jesus and I’ve brought it to my friends and I’ve brought it older, wiser women. I’ve brought this question, “What do I do when I want a husband and I feel like I’m ready for one, but he’s just not here?”

And after a about a thousand conversations and looking at 4 million blogs, I’ve come to this conclusion…I need to bring my heart and desires to Jesus and just push into him. All He wants from me is to let Him have my heart and trust Him with my future. Seems pretty elementary, doesn’t it?

A lot of people will tell you “you need to be content in your singleness.” Good lord, can I just say that I am SO over that phrase? I mean, I’M OVER IT. Because if you truly want a husband, you are never going to be content being single. You’ll lie to yourself and say “I’m content now, where my husband at?” Ladies, if you are married and saying this to someone, I totally see your heart and I see where you’re coming from…but let’s just not say that anymore. It sets up single, desperate girls for failure. Just keeping it real, sorry.

What you do need to do is trust your Savior with your future. Trust Him that if He has given you a desire for a husband and family, that He will fulfill it. Trust Him that if you are single that maybe God has something different for your life and maybe (just MAYBE) He is trying to teach you something.

So that’s where I am and that’s what I’ve learned.

I’m not gonna pretend like I wake up everyday being all “YES, I LOVE NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND!” It’s usually more like, it’s already 7:00 am? Where’s my coffee? Who is the zombie creature in the mirror? Do I have to shower today?

I wake up everyday knowing that without Jesus, I wouldn’t be here. So yes I desire a Godly husband but mostly I desire Jesus. I want to know Him deeper and I want to love Him more. And I absolutely trust Him with where He has me. If I spend any “waiting” period bitter and annoyed, how pointless of a season in my life. Getting married will not solve my problems because once I get married, I’ll just find something else to “wait on God” about. It’s just not fair to myself or to my God.

He is a good God, people. Trust His character. Trust His truth.

Whether your waiting on a husband, on a child, on a job, whatever, trust Him and don’t use this period for bitterness or “waiting”. SERVE JESUS. I mean really, go all biblical on Him and see what happens.

Maybe the thing your waiting for will come and maybe it won’t but I can promise you one thing; you will fall so in love with Jesus and that “thing” may lose it’s importance in comparison to your Savior.

To all my married people, give us single people some grace. And to all single people, give married people grace. There is always this “us” and “them” mentality and it’s just not fair. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you only need married friends and just being you’re single doesn’t mean you only need single friends. Serve together, grow together, and learn from each other. Whether or not you want to believe, we all have things we need to learn from each other and the sooner we embrace that, the better. 

I hope this post was informative and encouraging. I’m a sinner and I need grace just like everyone else, I don’t claim to know everything (or really anything), I just know that I need a Savior.

Thanks for listening,

Crissy

Special thanks to Genna Schutza, My awesome mother, Nicole Rodriguez, Crystal Weiss, Heather Flores, and Morgan Wallace for listening to me cry, rant, and ramble about this topic and still encouraging me afterwards.

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