Nothing I hold on to.

Tomorrow we go to Kenya.

I made a mistake in our planning process and I’m honestly freaking out a little it about it. I’m choosing to write this before the situation is resolved. I’m choosing to write in the moment, not after God has taken care of it. Because by the way, I know God is going to take care of it. He has worked out raising over $56,000 for this trip, not including getting passports, shots, & paperwork taken care of. He is going to work out this one detail.

And yet my heart is still freaking out. FREAKING. OUT. And it still took me twenty minutes to pray about it. I spent those twenty minutes trying to figure out how I could fix it on my own. Only until I couldn’t fix it on my own, did I go to Jesus.

I’m so annoying. I always do that.

I think that because I’ve done so much on my own (or well I think it’s on my own) that I should be able to handle everything, fix every situation. Well what happens when I can’t? What happens when I won’t know an answer until tomorrow and I just have to wait?

It means trusting Jesus even when I don’t know the outcome. It means trusting Jesus REGARDLESS of the outcome.

I think trusting Jesus is the hardest when you made the mistake. You don’t feel like He should fix the problem when you were the one to create it.

When in reality, it doesn’t matter who created the problem, Jesus will always be the one to fix it.

One of my (many) prayers for this trip is that there won’t be any expectations, that we would trust God and let him move.

Well little did I know that He was speaking that to me. That I would be okay deviating from the schedule, my plans, and my dreams for this trip. For an OCD over planner, this is hard to do.

I have EVERYTHING planned and I want everything to be okay. It is so hard walking into something knowing that God could change it and to trust that it will be okay no matter what He does. But it’s the creator of the universe that is in charge of this trip, His plans are about a million times better than I could ever think, dream, or imagine.

So therefore my new prayer for this trip is this song.

“Nothing I hold on to” – Will Reagan

I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I Give it all to you God,
Trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain
With my hands wide open
I will climb this mountain
With my hands wide open

There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to
There is nothing I hold on to

I don’t know about y’all but climbing a mountain with my hands wide open sounds stupid.

Guessing that’s why the writer wrote it that way.  That it would seem very illogical and not the best plan of action. Climbing a mountain with hands is hard enough, without them? Impossible.

There is really nothing I hold on to. Not our plans, not our itinerary, and not what I think should happen.

I’m trusting every detail of this trip with our creator and it really is so much easier that way.

Thanks for praying for us and with us. We are honored to serve Jesus in Kenya.




One thought on “Nothing I hold on to.

  1. Crissy, As you stated, it’s in God’s hands. The blessed work that you guys are doing over there is for His glory. You will all be touched by His love, mercy and grace. He’s got your back. Whatever it is, He will take care of it. Our prayers are with you. Looking forward to your next entry.
    Love, Diane

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