On forgiving yourself.

morningsadness

We have all been there.

It doesn’t matter if your 17 or 70, everyone has done something that they regret.

Sometimes it’s a mistake that can be fixed, like a speeding ticket.

But sometimes it’s a mistake that only time can heal, sometimes the mistakes we make change us forever.

And sometimes those mistakes really freaking suck.

Apart from removing all the mirrors in your house, you have to wake up everyday and look yourself at yourself and remember that you did in fact do that thing you weren’t supposed to do.

You lied, you cheated, you hurt someone…or maybe someone lied to you, someone cheated you, someone hurt you and you let them.

As humans, most of us have this mindset that even though there’s a 99% chance that something or someone might hurt us, if there is a 1% that they won’t – so we have to try anyways.

We keep trying because of that 1%.

But 99% of the time, the unwise choices we make end up being mistakes.

The mornings are the hardest. For me at least. Because it’s every morning that I have to remember what I’ve done. It’s almost like I woke up from a dream and for a split second in the morning I can pretend that it was all a dream.

It was all this foggy land of unconscious thoughts that don’t really matter.

But once I am awake, I am harshly reminded of the truth of my life. The truth of the things I’ve done. The truth that I cannot take them back. So if I cannot take back my mistakes, what am I supposed to do with them?

Learn from them? Bury them & forget about them? Hate them? WHAT?

I’ve decided I’m going to own them.

Yes I did something I didn’t think I would do.

But I still did it.

Regretting it doesn’t take it away.

Owning my mistakes gives me power in how I heal from them.

I made a mistake. Yup I freaking did that thing. I will not do that thing again, so yes I learned from it but I’m not gonna sit here in a puddle of my mess.

WOE IS ME. Oh calm down. The pity party has got to stop.

We are in complete control of how we feel about things. No human can make us feel less than what we are unless we let them.

One moment in your life does not define your entire life.

When you begin to own who you are and what you’ve done, not only will you not do the things that you don’t want to do anymore but you will become more you.

You will see where you’ve been, yes, but more importantly you will get a more beautiful picture of where you are going.

Making mistakes in life are necessary. Incredibly frustrating, but important.

Sometimes we drink too much wine. Sometimes we eat the second bag of donuts. Sometimes we let people in when we shouldn’t. Sometimes we love people who treat us badly.

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Not ALL the time.

If everyone screws up, why are we all so ashamed about it?

Let’s stop that. Let’s stop that negativity right in it’s tracks. Let’s stop letting one moment define who we are. Let’s just stop thinking that we are less than what we are.

We are incredible. We have potential for greatness. We are beautiful.

So that being said, work through your issues. Find that person that believes that life is still worth it and fight for that person. It might take methodical healing – you know sleep, eat, work, work out, going outside, repeat – make yourself do things that can help you heal. You will eventually start to feel again.

Also – do not be alone. I’ve found that weight of our mistakes weigh much heavier when we are alone. Coming from someone who loves alone time, I’ve learned that I need to get over myself and just be around people. But not just any people.

Surround yourself with people who remind you who you are. People who are willing to dig deep to find that person again, that person that you think you’ve lost.

Trust your people. Talk to them and let them talk to you. But most of all, let them love you. You need love more than anything right now and it’s your choice if your let yourself accept it. Let that love in, baby. 

One day you will wake up and it will be exciting, not scary. One day you will see a bird land on a tree and laugh at the beauty and simplicity of it all. The little bird trusts the branch to hold it’s weight and that’s beautiful. The little bird doesn’t worry about if it will find food, it just does. The little bird doesn’t ponder if it’s worthy of living, it just knows it is. The little bird will show you the power that such a small thing can have on earth because today, the bird made you smile. The bird that you see everyday, you will see differently today.

Just like you. One day you will see yourself differently and you will feel whole again.

Waking up might still be hard for me tomorrow but I bet it will be easier than it was today. Each day, while hard – brings a chance for something new, something wonderful to happen.

Forgive yourself and start looking for that wonderful in everyday.

xo,

Crissy

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