“You don’t have to be pretty like her. You can be pretty like you.”
When people (specifically women) look at their ex’s new girlfriend, they tend to say things like “well she’s not even pretty” or “I’m so much more beautiful than she is.”
Whether it’s true or not, this is what women usually say to cope.
But why does THAT have to be our argument? When the woman in question is beautiful, why does making her less make us feel like more?
Why do we do that as humans? Why do we have to demean another person’s worth in order to gain validation for ourselves?
One of my friend’s looked at her ex’s facebook last night and had a meltdown. She asked things like “why does he treat her better than me?” and “what did I do wrong?”
But why does THAT have to be our question? Why are we so hardwired to think that WE are the reason people treat us badly? Why can’t we just understand that the way a guy does or doesn’t treat you has NOTHING to do you with you and EVERYTHING to do with HIM.
Ugh. Exes can really be the worst.
Our worth and validation is so tied up in another human being that we truly forget who we are without them.
Another friend just had things end with a guy and now that she’s out of the fog that was this man, she keeps saying “I wasn’t even myself with him, I was just trying to be someone that he liked so he would keep liking me.”
It’s a terrifying cycle. The way that we as humans keep doing this to ourselves.
I’ve done the same thing. Acted like I didn’t care about things I absolutely cared about, said things I didn’t mean, and laughed at jokes that weren’t funny. All so I could get someone’s attention.
That someone wasn’t even THAT great of a human.
I traded my truth for someone else’s validation.
We have to be careful with whom we trust our worth. With whom we allow to speak words about our existence. But even when we trust someone we shouldn’t, we have to love ourselves enough to move on and not continue using their lenses as our truth.
We have to trust our instincts and our gut.
Remembering that you matter without the validation of another person will be the thing that thrusts you forward into getting over that person. You matter. All on your own.
Also, ladies – STOP STALKING YOUR EXES ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
It is literally the worst ever. I cry every time I do something like that.
You know why? Because social media is a LIE. If everyone’s life was half as good as it was on social media there would be no such thing as addictions, divorce, and suicide.
Stop letting 1/5th of the story determine ALL of your happiness. Block him/her. Change your passwords. Cleanse yourself of the evil lie that is social media. Do your thang. Live your life.
Next: DANCE A LOT. Dancing helps the most. I’ll list some songs that will most definitely get your hips shaking. Channel your inner Meredith & Cristina.
Holdin’ On – Flume
Sleepless – CAZZETTE (Club edit is my fav but either version will do)
You & Me – Disclosure, Flume Remix
Odd Look – Kavinsky ft. The Weekend (this one has cursing, sorry mom and conservative people. Jesus still loves me, I swear)
Fa-Fa-Fa – Datarock
These songs don’t have a ton of words or deep meanings. That’s the point.
JUST DANCE IT OUT.
If you ever think that I’m this happy person who never gets sad, YOU’RE WRONG. I just dance in my living room… A FRIGGIN LOT. Sometimes without pants. Dancing is the most therapeutic thing I have ever done. Try it out.
Also hang out with your friends a lot. Even if you’re just laying on them while eating ice cream. Don’t isolate yourself. When getting over someone, you want to be all sad and drink wine while watching depressing movies…okay go ahead and do that but don’t do it alone. Friends are great when it’s 2 am and you want to text that butt head, ’cause they’ll take your phone from you. Also delete their number…come on sister, just do it.
I just want you to feel worthy again. I know that you don’t right now and that’s fine. However your feeling is SO OKAY. But I want to hug you and love you and shout your worth from the rooftops. Cause sometimes relationships end and that really freaking sucks. Sometimes you get over them in a week, sometimes it takes years, whatever your timeline is – THAT’S COOL, BOO. That’s totally cool. Missing people is the most normal thing in the world.
But I just really want you to be reminded of how wonderful you are. How you are magical and beautiful and how you light up the world. No one stays clean and shiny and perfect forever, we all get broken and then we put ourselves back together and move on. You deserve to feel wonderful just because you are.
To quote my favorite movie ever,
“You are more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!”
Thanks for reading my random thoughts of the day.