Hope.

Ocean_Sunset

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” — Robert Jordan

If you’ve read anything I’ve written over the past couple of months, it’s not a surprise that I resonate with a quote like this. Life has been hard but isn’t that the truth for everyone? I’ve been writing through all of that tough stuff and it’s been liberating and freeing and also really scary.

So you’ll understand why this quote spoke to me. It reminded me that we have the power to choose if we’re going to drown or not. We don’t have to stay in the water. We don’t have to stay in the scary place.

But sometimes it doesn’t feel like a choice, right? The pain, the sadness – it feels inescapable. 

When we start to let the light in, it hurts too bad. Our place while painful, becomes our new normal. 

Sometimes our heartbreak, our pain, our hurts – they seem so big that they feel like they will never go away. The turmoil of life and moving forward isn’t even an option. It’s all just…too much.

Enter hope. 

Hope comes in when everything else goes out. My girl Emily Dickinson describes it best.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.” – Emily Dickinson

Hope reminds us of a future unseen. That even if everything is falling apart, that it won’t fall apart forever. Hope is the sunrise of a new day. A fresh start.

Hope is healing.

“Hope is only thing stronger than fear.” – Suzanne Collins

In these moments of darkness – know that you have hope. You will have to choose hope at first, you won’t want to trust it because so many other things have broken you. But keep choosing hope. Keep choosing that one day, you’ll be able to be you again.

It won’t be soon and it won’t be easy, but you will find your way back. You will heal.

I’ve learned that I’m not okay but I finally believe that I will be.

I couldn’t have written that three months ago. Or even a month ago. I truly didn’t see the end in sight. I accepted my place as my place forever. The tears, the fog, the isolation – I began to make my little home there. When someone would tell me “time heals all” I just pleaded with God to make time move faster. Every moment was a reminder of my pain and I just didn’t see an outcome. Good or bad. I couldn’t see where this was going.

But today I do. Today I finally believe in getting out of the water and choosing not to drown. I’m still wet and cold and scared but I’m getting out of the water. I’m here to tell you that you will eventually be able to get out of the water.

And maybe that’s all I needed to believe to get out. That one day I would eventually get out. And maybe that’s all we all need. To just believe in the belief of being okay even if we aren’t.

That’s the beauty of all this. I don’t have to be okay right now- I just have to trust in the hope enough to know that one day, the light will be back and I’ll feel like me again. 

Trust the process. Trust yourself. Trust hope. 

xo,

Crissy

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