Bad Blood and Better Words.

Power of Words

I am officially a Taylor Swift fan.

1989 is an incredible album and you can judge me all you want for loving it, I’m judging myself a little bit. But seriously, she wrote her heart out and I love every single song.

One in particular that I jam out to is called Bad Blood. It’s pretty self explanatory. Someone (maybe a guy, maybe a friend) has betrayed her to an unfix-able point.

We’ve all been there.

She says it quite well when she says “Band aid’s don’t fix bulletholes.”

Damn, Tay.

When I heard that line, it really got me thinking – how powerful of a role the people around us play in our lives.

And even more than who they are in our lives, what they say about us matters even more. We see ourselves through the people around us. If they love things about us, if they hate things about us, whatever they think about us shapes and defines the way we see ourselves.

Their words hold power. A lot of power.

But to go even farther, everyone’s words have power. Celebrities, bloggers, bullies, teachers, that guy on the side of the street, everyone’s words have the power to shape our lives for the good and the bad.

When I was in 7th grade, I was on AIM chatting with my friends. When a little chat bubble popped up from a guy in my grade. This guy was a jerk then and remained one all through high school. I had no interest in keeping conversation with him but for some reason he felt the need to message me this evening.

He said (and I will never forget this), “You could use some butter with those rolls.”

I don’t think I had ever even thought about being fat up until that point. I mean I knew I wasn’t as skinny as the other girls in my class but I wasn’t obese or anything. I remember saying something like “yeah well you’re a butt head and you smell” – probably really hit him in the jugular, you know. I then logged off aim and went upstairs.

I didn’t cry or anything because I really didn’t care about this dude but for the rest of my life I would think about his words. I would think, “well if he thinks I’m fat, who else notices? Is there something wrong with me?”

Heck I’m 25 years old and I still remember a conversation from when I was 13. 

Words have power.

Especially the ones we choose to speak about other people. 

Relationships are repaired and torn apart by words. We’ve all had that one girlfriend who keeps getting back with the jerk guy because of what he says to her. Words matter.

I once worked with an organization that wanted to call their orphanage a village and a family because if a child grows up thinking it’s an orphan, it will believe that but it if believes it’s part of a family, it will be part of a family.

The words that other people use to describe us, to tell us how we matter, to tell us what we can’t see for ourselves…these words change us.

In the same way that words can thrust us into greatness, words can also create wounds that sometimes nothing can heal.

Also, let’s talk about the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” – UHM I CALL SERIOUS BS. 

I would rather be punched in the gut than have someone I love hurt me with their words. Psychological wounds, in comparison to physical wounds, take much longer to heal (if they ever even do).

Like TSwift says, “band aid’s don’t fix bulletholes.”

We as humans, have the power to shape people’s lives. As my life guru and (hopefully one day) friend Bob Goff says, “maybe we should start being pickier about what we say.”

Maybe we don’t always need to say exactly what we are thinking. Maybe we don’t need to tell every person what’s wrong with them and where they fail.

Maybe we just need to tell people how wonderful they are, how great they look today, or how much we love that smile of theirs.

Maybe instead of talking about people, we talk with people. 

Maybe instead of discussing other’s life choices, we make choices on how we can change the world.

Maybe we start using our words to heal the world, instead of hurting it.

Often times, choosing to speak love instead of hate happens in a milisecond. Your mouth begins to speak before your brain even knows what’s happening.

Your words hold more weight than you realize.

Stop holding back the love that you can give to the world. Use up all the love you’ve got today, you will get more tomorrow.

xo,

Crissy

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On forgiving yourself.

morningsadness

We have all been there.

It doesn’t matter if your 17 or 70, everyone has done something that they regret.

Sometimes it’s a mistake that can be fixed, like a speeding ticket.

But sometimes it’s a mistake that only time can heal, sometimes the mistakes we make change us forever.

And sometimes those mistakes really freaking suck.

Apart from removing all the mirrors in your house, you have to wake up everyday and look yourself at yourself and remember that you did in fact do that thing you weren’t supposed to do.

You lied, you cheated, you hurt someone…or maybe someone lied to you, someone cheated you, someone hurt you and you let them.

As humans, most of us have this mindset that even though there’s a 99% chance that something or someone might hurt us, if there is a 1% that they won’t – so we have to try anyways.

We keep trying because of that 1%.

But 99% of the time, the unwise choices we make end up being mistakes.

The mornings are the hardest. For me at least. Because it’s every morning that I have to remember what I’ve done. It’s almost like I woke up from a dream and for a split second in the morning I can pretend that it was all a dream.

It was all this foggy land of unconscious thoughts that don’t really matter.

But once I am awake, I am harshly reminded of the truth of my life. The truth of the things I’ve done. The truth that I cannot take them back. So if I cannot take back my mistakes, what am I supposed to do with them?

Learn from them? Bury them & forget about them? Hate them? WHAT?

I’ve decided I’m going to own them.

Yes I did something I didn’t think I would do.

But I still did it.

Regretting it doesn’t take it away.

Owning my mistakes gives me power in how I heal from them.

I made a mistake. Yup I freaking did that thing. I will not do that thing again, so yes I learned from it but I’m not gonna sit here in a puddle of my mess.

WOE IS ME. Oh calm down. The pity party has got to stop.

We are in complete control of how we feel about things. No human can make us feel less than what we are unless we let them.

One moment in your life does not define your entire life.

When you begin to own who you are and what you’ve done, not only will you not do the things that you don’t want to do anymore but you will become more you.

You will see where you’ve been, yes, but more importantly you will get a more beautiful picture of where you are going.

Making mistakes in life are necessary. Incredibly frustrating, but important.

Sometimes we drink too much wine. Sometimes we eat the second bag of donuts. Sometimes we let people in when we shouldn’t. Sometimes we love people who treat us badly.

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Not ALL the time.

If everyone screws up, why are we all so ashamed about it?

Let’s stop that. Let’s stop that negativity right in it’s tracks. Let’s stop letting one moment define who we are. Let’s just stop thinking that we are less than what we are.

We are incredible. We have potential for greatness. We are beautiful.

So that being said, work through your issues. Find that person that believes that life is still worth it and fight for that person. It might take methodical healing – you know sleep, eat, work, work out, going outside, repeat – make yourself do things that can help you heal. You will eventually start to feel again.

Also – do not be alone. I’ve found that weight of our mistakes weigh much heavier when we are alone. Coming from someone who loves alone time, I’ve learned that I need to get over myself and just be around people. But not just any people.

Surround yourself with people who remind you who you are. People who are willing to dig deep to find that person again, that person that you think you’ve lost.

Trust your people. Talk to them and let them talk to you. But most of all, let them love you. You need love more than anything right now and it’s your choice if your let yourself accept it. Let that love in, baby. 

One day you will wake up and it will be exciting, not scary. One day you will see a bird land on a tree and laugh at the beauty and simplicity of it all. The little bird trusts the branch to hold it’s weight and that’s beautiful. The little bird doesn’t worry about if it will find food, it just does. The little bird doesn’t ponder if it’s worthy of living, it just knows it is. The little bird will show you the power that such a small thing can have on earth because today, the bird made you smile. The bird that you see everyday, you will see differently today.

Just like you. One day you will see yourself differently and you will feel whole again.

Waking up might still be hard for me tomorrow but I bet it will be easier than it was today. Each day, while hard – brings a chance for something new, something wonderful to happen.

Forgive yourself and start looking for that wonderful in everyday.

xo,

Crissy